Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
