Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
