somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
