I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
