Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
