I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sober January is a disaster.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
