god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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