he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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