that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
