I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
