I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize