sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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