boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
