I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There are leaves in my underwear?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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