My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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