Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
