I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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