anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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