There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
