for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
