So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There's always time for handjobs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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