How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
