So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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