He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
