My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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