btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
