Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
