Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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