the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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