Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
