I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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