HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
