He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
