Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
