you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.