I wish I could punch you in the face.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list