How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.