I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.