Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
