I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i think im in europe. pls send help
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