yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
