Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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