Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
