This is not my ceiling
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
