Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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