i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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