Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
