Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
