How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
