in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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