my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
