im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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