i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
