highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
