I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
