i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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