if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
