dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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