every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
