I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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