The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize