please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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