I think im going to throw up on grandma
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You're like the curious george of whores
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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