Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
