I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
