you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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