Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
