I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
