im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
