He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I understand Curling. That high.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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