Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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