We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
