all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
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I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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