I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
