We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
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its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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