There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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