Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
