He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
