does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
