Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
