And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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