I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
