I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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