There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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