I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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