We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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